a facility

my sister had visited the facilities in the area in the past, and found an “alzheimers” facility for the” memory impaired”. she called them and told them that as soon as there was an opening that we would like it for my mother. my sister got a call saying that a spot was available in early september as soon as one of the rooms could be refurbished with new carpeting and walls painted. the date was set for september 10 to move in, but i suggested that if it could be done sooner, september 1 or so, i could help with the move. the date was moved to sunday sept 4.

my sister had been telling her from time to time that she was going to move to a new apartment in a facility where she would get her meals cooked for her and where the bathroom is attached to the bedroom. everytime she told her, my mother didn’t object. this morning my sister came in very businesslike and told ma that we had to talk, that she had something to tell her. she told her that she was moving tomorrow. i have been impressed with how she has been very direct with ma about things. i tend to avoid saying anything that people don’t want to hear, to try to make everything in the best light. this is a typical thing to do, but my sister is a doctor and has learned to be direct and not gloss over things. my mother seemed to get it and said ok.

it’s times like these that i wonder whether i am numb, repressed or selfish. or all of the above. i can’t help looking at this as an illness that i can do nothing about. “try to make the patient comfortable” rings in my ear. i think suffering is the worst. if there is no evidence of suffering, i can ignore it. denial. and my mother seems really happy right now. well, i guess, she should be. her daughters are fluttering around her and she’s not been alone for a month. she was singing the other day. what else can we do? my mother had made it clear to my sister that she never wanted to get to this state. we don’t have a choice in these matters.

and it’s not cheap. i know i have wondered in the past how much these places cost. with my mother’s functionality, she gets a better rate. the price itself would kill my mother, if she knew.

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