return to paris

returned to paris.  plane arrived at 6am.  i had had about 5 hours of sleep, so was in good shape.  got home by 7:15 and had breakfast with the family.  went to bed for my nap.  it’s cold in paris.  when i woke up and after dealing with some administrative stuff on computer, i wanted to have some soup.  so i went to one of my favorite chinese restaurants – more of a luncheonette – called “mirama” in the center of town.  it’s so easy to get there.  just 4 or 5 metro stops.  there’s a waiter there that looks like my father...   (have written about this restaurant before.  i used to come here 15 years ago, and the waiters are not only the same, and not only haven’t aged, but they seem to have gotten younger.  all that m.s.g....) anyway, had a nice wonton and noodle soup.  then went for a long walk across, along, and then back across the seine, and finally took a bike for the last part to get home. cold, but not too cold.  a nice brisk walk.

ma's facility

when my mother got to the facility she was considered highly “functional”.  she was MUCH more functional than many.  she was upset to be there.  but when she was not “lucid” she chatted happily and even played the piano.  now, after her accident (she fell and broke a hip and then had 2 strokes), she is more on the level of the lesser functional residents.  i remember in those first days watching someone being fed, and feeling that that was far away for her.  here we are 4 months later, and she is at that level.  she still recognizes us.  i figured that since her kids were so important to her, that there were lots and lots of neural connections created for that, so there are still back up ones, keeping those memories.

so what’s it really like, in a facility for the memory impaired?  i’m impressed with the staff who are so wonderful.  so kind and patient.  they constantly chat with residents.  they seem to be able to see them as the people they used to be, and to understand that they are all in the midst of an illness now.   they know their characters.  each patient is an individual.

my mother is fairly catatonic.  i say hello and sometimes she stares into space.  the most she can say clearly is “yes”, “no”, “i don’t know”.  so this caregiver comes out of her room at one point, chuckling saying “she is SO funny”.  “really?”, i say.  i mean, yes, she is.  she’s funny and kind and wise, but how could she tell? 

i sat with my mother at lunch, feeding her.  the stroke affected her right arm and her tongue. her right arm is locked, bent in.  she had problems swallowing so she is on pureed food.  she has regained a little ability with her tongue and so is eating much better, but still puree. 

 i watched the other residents.  there is one woman who is very functional, and very beautiful.  always dressed nicely, with a sweater and pearls. in september, when i first met her, i wanted my mom to be friends with her.   there is another woman, named r. who stares into space.  she is in a wheelchair and has a doll on her lap.  she has very blue eyes, slightly almond shaped.  she just stares and stares.  in september, i was watching her sitting there like this, and then she had a visitor, an older gentleman who may have been her husband.   she suddenly snapped out of it and jumped up to lead him by the arm to her room.  but today, she was staring into space, in the direction of another woman, called mary.  mary has long white hair, slightly wavy, and ragged.  she has a sharp intense, wrinkled face.  she was possibly beautiful in her youth, but looks more like an evil storybook character now.  she is very active and a bit aggressive.  my sister calls her “scary mary”.  she started yelling at r.  “hey, why don’t you just look out the window.  look over there!”.  but r. wasn’t really staring at her and wasn’t responding to her either.  then mary started cursing at her.  i sort of enjoyed watching and listening to it.  crazy curse words flying.  cursing and cursing and cursing.  the attendants tried to calm her down and stop her cursing.

later, at dinner, r. was more active.  a caregiver was sitting with her trying to get her to eat.  she was pushing her food around, talking about it, talking to it, talking as if in a dream.  talking nonsense.  “you see, if it’s here and then i want to do this.  then they would like it...”  i can’t remember exactly what she said.  it as if  the outer layer of rational thought, of logic, of things making sense has been stripped away revealing a chaos underneath.  a pile of information badly connected.  how are they different from people who are insane?  i guess there are all kinds of mental illnesses, each one with different symptoms.  it is a sort of insanity...

my mother has been watching movies with my sister, so we watched some together too.  she is engaged, and then asleep and then awake and engaged again.  hard to say, but she seems to like it.

i feel badly for my mother.  mostly, i don’t want her to suffer.  she is lucky that she can be in such a nice facility where there are caring people who want to work in a job taking care of her and people like her.  perhaps it is a blessing that she doesn’t really understand where she is.  they say that people with diminished mental capacity aren’t necessarily suffering.  they’re not necessarily aware of their state.  they’re just hanging out.

jj has party

jj wanted to have her friends over to our apartment for a party.  that was fine, but the rule was, there has to be a chaperone.  i’m away, so p was chaperone.   no alcohol allowed.  one of those subjects where each family has different rules.  we have a small apartment, but p stayed in the other room.  seems to have been fine.   in any case, i wasn’t there to witness it.

heading to nh

heading to new hampshire to visit my mother who is now in a facility for “memory impaired”.

truffle, continued

the fridge really stinks!  my new expensive truffle seems to be the real thing.  stinking up the fridge even though it is in a sealed tupperware with the raw eggs.  i guess you get what you pay for...

UK universities talk

the school gave a talk about UK universities this evening. i insisted that jj and i go, even though she says she is not interested in them. i figured it doesn’t hurt to have information about them. you never know what will happen in the future. plus, the education has the possibility of being pretty cheap. 

however, the UK higher education system is very “focused” . one chooses a university based on the area of specialization, which one needs to choose in the last year of high school. actually, one has to choose before that to have the requirements for that specialization. the other factor is location of university. interestingly, most kids want to be as far away from home as possible, so because of the concentration of population around london, the very far away scottish universities are very much in demand. in any case, it was interesting and because of the specialization, we agree that the american university system is preferable, with the ability to “taste” a variety subjects before choosing.

stein exhibit

during the day, we puttered around doing all those things one needs to do on weekends. grocery shopping, cleaning house, doing laundry. but we knew that jj was going out tonight, so we would go out and do something then. 

there is an exhibition at the grand palais of the “stein collection” art from the collection of gertrude stein and the stein family. it is ending sunday and normally would be packed, but we have learned the trick of going in the early evening when most people are preparing for dinner. we got tickets for 7pm. it was the perfect time to go – not too crowded, not empty either. the show had matisse, cezanne, degas and picassos. all the big names, but i was somehow a bit bored by them. wasn’t sure if it was overexposure to these artists, but p wasn’t wowed either. he said he didn’t care for the matisse at all. 

afterwards, we decided to continue into town. we have to make ourselves make a little more effort. we wandered through the palais royale and behind, to where the galerie vivienne and galerie colbert are. these galeries are old covered arcades with quaint little shops and a few restaurants. we found a bistro in the galerie and were able to sit “outside” – under the glass roof, under a heater and have a light dinner and glass of wine. lovely.

truffle; teenage issues

bought a truffle in the marche. my chef friend told me a good trick for truffles is to get a little one and put it in a tupperware with some eggs and leave it for a few days. the eggs absorb the flavor of the truffle and you make omelettes and put some more eggs in. you can use the truffle over and over for a while. i bought a truffle a few weeks ago and it wasn’t expensive. a little one for around 2 euros. unfortunately, it didn’t have much smell and couldn’t really taste anything in the eggs. i bought it from a vegetable stand and i guess they weren’t reputable truffles! anyway, today i went to the potato/mushroom lady – who had truffles from perigord. this truffle – the same size as the other one, cost 14.50! ok, maybe this is a real truffle. we’ll see. i don’t smell too much smell off of it either.

jj went to a party last night. a sleepover. a friend’s 16th birthday. i’ve noticed that she doesn’t ask me anymore whether she can wear her high heels or makeup. she just does it. she bought a pair of high heels when she was in spain with p. she says they’re not high. her friend who was here preparing for the party, explains, “they’re really not high. they are very stable because the bed of the heel is solid plastic”. she was going to wear them to the party. “going there too? why don’t you wear flat shoes and bring the high heels. walking to the metro over some cobblestones, up and down stairs and then walking some more, you’ll fall over”. “that’s what i said” said her friend. “no, i’ll wear them”. fine whatever. i figured that by the time she got there her feet would have blisters and hurt. i’ll let her discover it herself. in the morning, she came back and was wearing her flats.

the big concern now is alcohol at the parties. at this party, the mom said they could have champagne – with the permission of the parents. a little bit. her rule was, any kid bringing alcohol would be asked to leave. it’s a tricky question. the kids bring their own alcohol. they sneak it in. who wants to be a policeman about it? they pour vodka into water bottles or mix it in their cokes. it’s not a question about drinking alcohol. it’s a question of 15 year olds drinking alcohol.

p's birthday

today was p’s birthday. he took the day off so we could gallivant around paris together. we started off by starting late. we slept late, though i got up early to keep jj company, since she had to go to school. then i went back to bed. maynard, the dog is away so i didn’t have to walk him. it was grey out, but relatively mild. we went to cafe beaubourg (next to beaubourg) and had breakfast. cafe beaubourg is very “modern” in the relative “modernity” of the 60’s and beaubourg era. p mentioned that the outdoor chairs probably hadn’t been refreshed since then. the upholstery wasn’t in great shape. they do an amazing omelet which i had been craving for a while. i asked the waiter why it was that their omelets were so good. i said, it must be the butter and cream. he said that in fact, there was nothing in it like that. the “omelette nature” we had – natural, plain omelet, had only eggs in it. it all had to do with the “technique”. i was thrilled to learn there was no butter and cream. less guilt.

afterwards, we looked at “camper” shoes for p, but they didn’t have the color he wanted. they said to go to the store in saint germain.

then we walked to the louvre. we have not gone to the louvre since we arrived 18 months ago and this was p’s choice. so we spent a good part of the day there. not too crowded, being a weekday in january. i felt a little dizzy, i think i’m still a bit sick, or am having a reprise. but still, managed to do the hours walking in the louvre. we had a disappointing lunch in a louvre cafeteria. especially disappointing since i know they have a really interesting food court in the shopping area and “marriage freres”, a high end tea store with excellent lunch menu, plus “cafe marly” in a wing of the louvre which looks over the pyramid or the inner “marly court” of the louvre. anyway, we went through a lot of the louvre including the cliche “mona lisa”, “victory de samothrace”, and classics: david’s “napolean crowning josephine”, gericault’s “raft of medusa”, rubens’ “marie de medici cycle”, vermeer’s “the astronomer” etc. i thought it all would be tedious, but actually i quite enjoyed seeing all these paintings. we even saw the painting that i copied there years and years ago – “bethsabee” by willem drost, a student of rembrandt. (google it!). i still have the copy stored away.

we walked across the seine, over to the saint germain area. we were heading to the other camper store where p found the right color shoes and he bought them! this is exciting to me, because p rarely buys shoes and he really needed some.

then we stopped at the department store “bon marche” in the famous food department called “la grande epicerie” to pick up some sweet snacks. it WAS his birthday. then headed home to rest. had tea and sweets. jj got home. we had planned on going back to the restaurant that was downstairs from our apartment from 15 years ago, jj’s first home – across town near the bastille. we decided against it since i wasn’t at 100% and didn’t want to push it. so instead we went to our new favorite local cafe with very decent food, very decent prices and authentic french feel.

came home to have cheese course and nice st emilion wine. lovely. fun day.

a day in paris

was sick again the last 2 days. since i got back from boston, i have been sporting an undercurrent cold which surfaces for a few days then goes back under cover for a few days and then comes back in a different version. p was sick friday and for the weekend. it seems that i picked up his version this time. it was fine, since my wednesday was mostly free, so i just hibernated. but today i had lots of plans so i wanted to be well. i got up and walked maynard to the regular cafe where i met the moms of j’s friends. i love the idea of having a “regular” cafe. it was nice and warm out, probably 50 degrees, though a hint of damp. rain is forecast. this was the second such meeting that i organized, with the moms of friends. it really comforts me to know these nice moms who i feel largely on the same page in terms “permissibles and restrictions”. the girls are turning 16 now and think of themselves as adults, perfectly able to handle things and some are rarin’ to try all those temptations that are dangled in front of them in paris. well, i guess that’s not really true. they are good girls, but there are all kinds of things available and they are in the experimenting age. the discussion is often about controlling alcohol at parties. one mom said that she is often at the school and she watches the attitude of many of the older kids totally disrespectful of authority figures. (i know that sounds really old and crotchety but it does come down to how you treat others) many kids are entitled, spoiled rich kids. this mom said many of the parents are “hands off” not aware of what their kids are like. apparently many parents travel often, leaving their kids with nannies, who may live on a different floor. i’ve already mentioned one of jj’s classmates last year, who had his own apartment. he was 14 last year, but don’t know how long he’s lived on his own. though his parents live downstairs. some think their kids are angels, when they really are trouble makers.

at the end of the coffee, maynard’s second mom (doggy time share) came to get him. then i went to the “place des vosges” to meet a mom from boston, a friend of a friend, who is thinking of moving to paris and maybe to this school in 2 years. it was lovely to sit in place des vosges. i felt like i was playing tourist. i had signed up for a guided tour with the mom group – of the musee carnavalet, which is paris’ museum of paris. the lady who leads the tour knows lots of dirty little details about architecture, art and the people of the past. but before going to the tour, i set up a lunch with some of the other moms attending the tour – to go to the famous fallafel place in the marais. it’s called “l’as du fallafel”. really great. i was very pleased that one mom, an iranian woman who said she has tasted ALOT of fallafels, said this was the BEST one she ever had. actually she had a schwarma. the best schwarma she ever had. the marais is so great and lots of fun shops. we stopped into my favorite shoe store and i held back from buying another pair of boots. very good price. but i may keep an eye on it since it’s sale season, the price was very good and it might go down more.  it was fun walking around the marais, one of the oldest neighborhoods in paris and one of my favorites.

then we went to the tour. i have to say that there was much more detail than i really wanted and we only covered a small number of rooms of the museum. i was happy to finally go to the museum, but i probably won’t go on another guided tour. that said, there was a lot of information that i have since repeated, so it wasn’t a total loss. i guess, i wasn’t sure i really wanted to know the subtle differences of chair styles between louis 14th, “la regence” and louis 15th. (so uncultured of me to use numbers instead of roman numerals). but i don’t really mind knowing now. she said one thing that i had to laugh at and quietly disagree with. she was explaining how in these 30 room mansions (called hotel particulier) there was a minimum of chairs based on maximum needed at any one time. the chairs were moved by servants, based on what room was to be used and how many people there were to be. the small tables were called “flying tables” (“table volantes”) as they would “fly” between rooms. she introduced this information saying that the people who lived in these houses were very practical and down to earth. i have never heard of the aristocrats of the era of louis XIV described as “down to earth”. the women wore big wide hipped hoop skirts, everyone wore wigs, their walls wore gilt twirly intricate carved decorations. seriously, this is not what i’d call down-to-earth. maybe she was kidding, but it didn’t seem it.

afterwards, i continued through the museum myself. then i went up to pick up our indian visas, which were just approved. we’re going to go to india in february, during the school vacation. i’m a bit scared. i don’t know how i will take to a country so underdeveloped and poor as india. i wasn’t really great in morocco. i was ready to go home after 4 days. and that’s a relatively wealthy and clean developing country. mexico was nice, but i was uptight about the food all the time. p. said to me too, “yes i don’t know how you and jj will do there.” but we are excited anyway. anyway, i really ran all around paris today, did lots of fun things and don’t seem to be sick anymore.

teaching drawing class on houseboat

back in september, a friend from conversation group, a british woman who works for british council asked me if i’d give her painting lessons. i had thought about the idea of teaching, but had never done it. this seemed like a perfect opportunity to try. she had a friend who lives on a houseboat who offered her place for the lessons. sounded interesting. we agreed to do it but then i got that other job, so had to cancel. now that the job is finished and we are through the christmas season when everyone is so busy, i offered to do it again. the houseboat was parked on the seine right in front of the musee d’orsay, a fantastic location. we started by drawing the fruit that she had in the kitchen. it was very interesting to coach them, makes me think about what i do when i paint. it was a 2 hour lesson and i charged them 15 euros each. i figured that i was learning as much as they were, so i wanted it to be cheap for them. it was really a boat and it would rise and fall with the waves. funny that by the end of the lesson, the conversation mom friend admitted she was getting sea sick! 

i had to rush off after the lesson, because i had organized an “art cafe” event. this was a group of 5-6 moms from the school who were also artists. i just wanted to have some community, but it turned out to be a great exchange of information. will do it again in a month. 

 started feeling not well and decided not to go to the evening college alum meeting.

photographer talk

went to talk given by keith, the still photographer of “j. edgar”. we met in a lovely apartment of some parents at the school. it was a really interesting talk. he showed lots of great images and talked about some of the inside workings of film-making and on clint eastwood’s style. loved it. 

have been thinking about life in paris. knowing that our time here might be limited, makes me appreciate things everyday. my new years resolution is to make myself do a touristy thing every week.

bruno brunch

finally had my friend bruno over to lunch. i had worked with him in new york eons ago. he has had lots of ups and downs in the last couple of decades. he is now expecting his 5th child and is doing well. this was the first time we saw him in the 2 years since we arrived. he, his wife and his 2 younger kids came over for american pancakes. always a hit in france. was good to see him and meet his new family.

film biz cafe 2

i organized another film biz cafe. we had a bunch of people meet in a cafe in the morning, pre-work hour. it was very fun. film people are really interesting and i love just chatting with them. afterwards i went to see the movie “ j edgar” with leonardo dicaprio. there is a talk this weekend by keith bernstein who is the still photographer for the movie. he works regularly with clint eastwood. he came to our first film cafe (being a dad at the school). i enjoyed the movie. i hadn’t know much about hoover. things like he had invented the dewey decimal system. seems like he was quite brilliant. he would’ve been a computer guy if he had been born later. i thought dicaprio did a good job. he played the old man pretty well. his co-star didn’t do as good a job. the co-star, as an old man, just walked around slowly and stiffly with old man makeup on. 

afterwards, went to my dr who told me that i had put on a couple of kilos and said i should go on a diet... very french. yes, i have been enjoying food a bit extra lately and i guess it has surpassed all the walking i do.