mother-sitting

i was surprised to see the dramatic change in my mother. my sister has been sending us email reports over the years telling us how the dementia was getting worse. it’s not that we didn’t believe her, it’s just that my mother didn’t seem that bad. my sister said that she was just really good at covering it. but now, my mother is not able to take care of herself. it was very clear.

sometimes, it was as if she were in a dream. it was a state that seemed so familiar. in my dreams i would hold one object that would transform into the functionality of another. like talking on the telephone, that suddenly was a deck of cards that i’d be dealing. something along those lines. i’d be with one person, who would suddenly be someone else. in one place that suddenly became another, as if in a movie with a twisted story line. especially in the late afternoons when she was tired, my mother would be much more confused. this is a common symptom that is called: “sundowning”. in her own home, she would say, “i want to go home”. in the first floor office that she had converted several years ago into her bedroom, she sat on the bed and would talk to me as if i were the nurse in a facility. she said “where should i sleep?” i would point to the bed. “should i sleep here?” i said, “yes, this is your bed. see? here is your bedspread.” she said, “oh, you even brought that here? you are good.” it was a very strange state. i would lie there wondering how it seemed so matter of fact. it didn’t seem emotional. i figured i was just too repressed to have any feelings about it.

i decided that i should extend my stay a little longer to help out. i was able to change my flight to a week later. jj would have to go back to paris on her own. meanwhile, we visited boston for a couple of days. took care of some business, but hardly had time to see any friends. i “mother-sat” for a few days and then it was time for violin camp.

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