crisis, resolved

crisis, day 2
according to jj, the day proceeded as follows: the kids were gathered and the principal spoke to them, again scolding them for their behavior. she then got upset that one of the girls in the class “grinned rudely” at her. later, the head of the program told them that the person who whistled yesterday and the girl who grinned rudely, should give themselves up – and apologize. then all would be forgiven but if they did not step forward, the head of the program would show all the id pictures of the students to the principal and she would identify the guilty parties. they would then get a “red mark” in their book and 2 red marks would mean suspension from the school. (though this was what jj understood of the conversation - according to the school handbook, a student could get a “mise en garde” (a warning) and 2 “mise en garde” (sounds like fencing!) would become an “avertissement” (official warning) and 3 avertissements would lead to a suspension.) anyway, jj’s group of friends, most of whom are well behaved, never-been-in-trouble types, were thrown into confusion. they didn’t know if perhaps one of them had made a reflex grimace of fear that might have been misconstrued as a “rude grin”. they discussed this among themselves and then went to the head of the program to ask her advice. she said that they should go apologize to the principal. so they decided to go as a group – which i thought was brilliant.

meanwhile, one of the moms had called me up to ask what i thought of this crisis. her husband was out of town and she had no one to discuss this with. i told her i thought it was mostly a cultural thing, but recommended that we go ask an experienced “adaptation” mom. there is a cafe across the street from the school which is the official hang-out for the school. every morning there are many moms and a few dads having coffee there. they even have an official session for the first 3 weeks of school, where they have an experienced mom sitting there to receive questions any new parent might have – relating to anything about school or living in paris. so we went and there was an italian mom whom i had already met, who is very accomplished and very kind. she had some wise information and advice. she said: yes, the school culture is very different in france. france is very strict, america is very relaxed and italy is somewhere between. she has 2 sons in the school and in the last 2 years there have been 5 similar crisis for them. for the teachers, it is important to punish an infraction – regardless of whether the punished child is the guilty child. an example – someone in her son’s class dropped a book loudly on the floor while the teacher had her back to them, writing on the board. she wheeled around and pointed at the son (an innocent party) and said “you, out.” they don’t want a discussion about it. they don’t care who did it, just that someone is punished. at first this sounds so unfair, but consider that a discussion would include excuses, whining, back and forth and time wasted, whereas a quick punishment inflicted makes the point. plus, the actual guilty party would feel remorse for someone else getting punished. then the event is done and the crime forgotten. there are no long held grudges against the child. as a parent, don’t get involved. don’t call the teacher and ask for a meeting to explain your child’s innocence. they will just look at you blankly and say, “what do you want to discuss?”. the event happened long ago for them and is a non-issue. she also said that, for now, the kids are learning the culture, but in 6 months they will know it. heed their advice in regards to your interaction with the school. when they say “no, mom, don’t call...”, listen to them. her american doctor has said that in america, they find something good in each child, to praise them, whereas in france they find something bad in each child to scold them. the mom also told me that the principal has a particular problem with the teenage girls who dress too provocatively. i guess i have to agree with her on that one.

in the school there are some old fashioned french teachers and some progressive american teachers. they each have their own style. the french teachers expect the kids to stand up when they enter the room. jj’s american science teacher talks to the kids more casually. jj certainly felt more comfortable in this class, though she noticed that the french kids didn’t know how to react to the informality, and were a bit unruly. anyway, the principal is on the top of the heap and expects the most respect. when she entered the hall and the kids didn’t jump to their feet, (they didn’t even know who she was) that, in itself was probably considered rude. then when she complained to the head of the program, well, that is the boss complaining, and of course, there had to be an action.

crisis, day 3
a group of the girls went to apologize to the principal who was charming and smiling and said, “oh how sweet of you, that is very nice, no, no, it was none of you.” crisis gone, at least for now. Print this post