on being a foreigner

living in a france, i am a foreigner and am aware of it constantly. even though i speak a passable amount of french, even little things take mental energy. the other day i had an encounter with our green grocer that underlined this feeling. it was around 8:30 in the morning and i was coming back from walking maynard. it was a tuesday, so the first day of work for the green grocer who is normally closed on sunday afternoon and monday. the shop has no glass windows, with the fruits arranged on platters extending into the street and so is very open air. he was putting out and arranging all his new vegetables. i asked if he was open yet. i got some sort of response, which didn’t seem to be negative. he is also an immigrant of some sort and so his french is not unaccented. i asked again and he seemed to nod as he mumbled something. so i entered the shop. i picked out some apples for breakfast and walked up to him, where he was standing arranging fruits. when i analyzed my actions later, i realized that it was a way for me to tell him i was ready to pay. he looked at me and said in french

” madame, do you know the shop?”.

“what?”, i said, not understanding.

“madame, are you familiar with the shop? i know that, in fact you live across the street. so i know you are familiar with the shop?”

“uh, yes, i guess”.

“then, WHERE is the cash register?”

“uh, over there.”

“well then?”

so he wanted me to go the cash register and wait for him. it was actually a pretty rude way of saying it. i wasn’t trying to be pushy, i was just trying to signal to him that i was ready. i was very embarrassed and so avoided going in for a few days. i now refer to him as the “rude dude”.   p. has had his own similar events.

the next time i was in, i tried extra hard to chat with him and be friendly. it’s silly that it was I, who should feel embarrassed. this is just to buy some fruit. i think about how easy it is to go into whole foods in boston, without too much fear of doing something culturally wrong. i know how it works. i know what to say. it underlined how i am a foreigner here. it emphasized how this is not home. there are americans who live their whole adult life here. i guess it is a learning process.

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